Teaching is hard. Really f-ing hard. Harder than anything I have ever done and will probably ever do.
I've been at it for 3 days and every day I whine a little bit more. My kids are crazy, but they are four. They cry. Scream. Whine. Tattle. Fall on the floor in the middle of the lunch line and pout. They tell me they hate me. Worse, they tell me they hate books. I am drowning in chaos and am more physically and emotionally exhausted than I have ever been. I spend a good chunk of my time die-cutting and laminating, instead of learning content. I only have seven students out of 20 who understand English. I have very little money, energy, confidence and hope at the moment-all crucial pieces to this puzzle that is teaching.
All in all, life went from being stressful, but incredible to unbearably difficult in a matter of hours and I am struggling to find the time to simply breath, eat, go to the bathroom and do other normal human things. I struggle to remember why I decided this would be my life and I long for my old life in a way I never thought possible. I miss my friends, family and most of all, my partner. I miss my sisters. I miss San Marcos. I miss all things that do not involve diagnostics, laminating film, glue sticks, nursery rhymes, calendar math and memos, because, at the moment, it seems as though nothing else exists.
Life is hard right now, but the lives of my students will be harder if I don't get it together. I take full responsibility for the chaos in my classroom and I, somewhat unwillingly, accept the challenge of creating peace. It has to get better, or else it will get violent and I refuse to allow that in my classroom. This week, we begin the rigorous content and a new behavior management plan, complete with appropriate, conscious consequences and what I hope will be inspiring positive rewards. Procedures have been polished, photos have been laminated, parents have been phoned. I have approximately 170 days to make a difference in the lives of 20 little ones and it has to start tomorrow.
This week's letter- T. For Talab, tattle, turtle and....Teacher.
P.S.
Apple is giving TFA corps members a free iPad. Maybe carrying a screaming four-year-old down the hallway while your principal walks by isn't so bad after all...
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
I suck at keeping blogs
I should have known I wasn't going to keep up with this blog. Now that life has slowed down (sort of) maybe I'll be more successful? Who knows. But, for those of you with whom I have failed to keep in touch, here is a list of important things going on in my life at the moment. Short and sweet :)
1. Institute- this is essentially TFA boot camp. It can be described in the following words: hot, scary, indentity crisis, mental breakdown at any given point in time, crappy food, lonely, cold dorms, hot, buses, long sessions, adorable kids, shoe licking, hot, falling up stairs, getting stuck in elevators, hot. The most important thing you need to know about institute is that it's OVER!
2. Tulsa- Tulsa is a truly incredible city. It has everything I love about Austin and Houston with the small town feel of San Marcos. If San Marcos had an actual downtown, it would be almost identical to Tulsa. Sometimes I forget I am in Oklahoma...then I go to Wal-mart and I remember very quickly. Almost everyone here has a think accent, like the kind only found in East Texas, a lot of people smoke and I feel like fewer and fewer of the people I see have all their teeth. Regardless, Tulsa is a gem of a city and the people, despite their overall poor hygiene, are incredibly welcoming and charming. Plus, I can still find the greasy Tex-Mex I love.
3. My house- My current living situation is so ideal, it's ridiculous. My house is about 1600 sq ft and gorgeous. We have an amazing back yard, in which one of my roommates, R, and I have planted some veggies and build our very own bean pole. We are contemplating getting some chickens to lay eggs for us, but for now, we just have 2 cats and a newly acquired bunny, Alfred. (Who, by the way, is officially the cutest and happiest bunny on the face of the planet.) We have had a bit of maintenance trouble, but overall, this is the best thing I could ask for right now. And my roommates are incredible. I seriously don't know what I would have done without them the past few weeks.
4. Teaching- So, I taught 20 wonderful soon-to-be first graders at a school in Phoenix. (Did I mention that Phoenix is hot yet? If not, let me give you a word of advice, don't go to Phoenix!!!) My kids achieved the highest growth in the school after only 2 weeks and we even had a few students make a 100 on the summative math assessment after scoring 60 or below only 4 weeks earlier. Teaching is truly a remarkable experience, unlike anything I have ever done or thought I would do. Tulsa Public Schools starts next week and I could not be more excited. It's a lot of work. A lot of hard work, so everyone go call every teacher you ever had and thank them for it.
5. My boyfriend- The love of my life moves to Cairo next week to study international human rights law. I've known for a year now that he would be leaving, but it's still weird to think that yesterday was the last time I will see him for about 8 months. Thank goodness for Skype. If you think about it, send some positive vibes his way.
So that's pretty much it. I apologize for being a crap friend/ family member and not keeping in touch with everyone, so add me on Skype! audrey.talab
Also, one last thing, if you have ANYTHING that you think a 4 year old would like (books, puzzles, dress up clothes, fake food, blocks, counting games, stuffed animals, paper, big pencils, markers, crayons, play dough, storage bins) feel free to send me things. Message me on Facebook or email me at ajt1261@gmail.com for my address.
Love,
AJ
1. Institute- this is essentially TFA boot camp. It can be described in the following words: hot, scary, indentity crisis, mental breakdown at any given point in time, crappy food, lonely, cold dorms, hot, buses, long sessions, adorable kids, shoe licking, hot, falling up stairs, getting stuck in elevators, hot. The most important thing you need to know about institute is that it's OVER!
2. Tulsa- Tulsa is a truly incredible city. It has everything I love about Austin and Houston with the small town feel of San Marcos. If San Marcos had an actual downtown, it would be almost identical to Tulsa. Sometimes I forget I am in Oklahoma...then I go to Wal-mart and I remember very quickly. Almost everyone here has a think accent, like the kind only found in East Texas, a lot of people smoke and I feel like fewer and fewer of the people I see have all their teeth. Regardless, Tulsa is a gem of a city and the people, despite their overall poor hygiene, are incredibly welcoming and charming. Plus, I can still find the greasy Tex-Mex I love.
3. My house- My current living situation is so ideal, it's ridiculous. My house is about 1600 sq ft and gorgeous. We have an amazing back yard, in which one of my roommates, R, and I have planted some veggies and build our very own bean pole. We are contemplating getting some chickens to lay eggs for us, but for now, we just have 2 cats and a newly acquired bunny, Alfred. (Who, by the way, is officially the cutest and happiest bunny on the face of the planet.) We have had a bit of maintenance trouble, but overall, this is the best thing I could ask for right now. And my roommates are incredible. I seriously don't know what I would have done without them the past few weeks.
4. Teaching- So, I taught 20 wonderful soon-to-be first graders at a school in Phoenix. (Did I mention that Phoenix is hot yet? If not, let me give you a word of advice, don't go to Phoenix!!!) My kids achieved the highest growth in the school after only 2 weeks and we even had a few students make a 100 on the summative math assessment after scoring 60 or below only 4 weeks earlier. Teaching is truly a remarkable experience, unlike anything I have ever done or thought I would do. Tulsa Public Schools starts next week and I could not be more excited. It's a lot of work. A lot of hard work, so everyone go call every teacher you ever had and thank them for it.
5. My boyfriend- The love of my life moves to Cairo next week to study international human rights law. I've known for a year now that he would be leaving, but it's still weird to think that yesterday was the last time I will see him for about 8 months. Thank goodness for Skype. If you think about it, send some positive vibes his way.
So that's pretty much it. I apologize for being a crap friend/ family member and not keeping in touch with everyone, so add me on Skype! audrey.talab
Also, one last thing, if you have ANYTHING that you think a 4 year old would like (books, puzzles, dress up clothes, fake food, blocks, counting games, stuffed animals, paper, big pencils, markers, crayons, play dough, storage bins) feel free to send me things. Message me on Facebook or email me at ajt1261@gmail.com for my address.
Love,
AJ
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