I have had a breakdown every day this week (except today, but more on that in a bit). Those of you who know me well know that showing my emotions is probably the thing I do best. Hiding them in any way is just not possible for me. If I am happy, I'm jumping up and down. If I'm sad, flustered or angry, I'm probably crying. And when I am literally being beaten up by four year olds, my emotions get the best of me and it is damn near impossible to not have melt down. This usually looks like me running to our staff developer's office begging her to come take over my classroom while I cry in the teachers' lounge. It's embarrassing. Actually, it's mortifying. I have always hated that about myself and although, over the years, I have developed more and more control, now that I am in a professional setting, I'm afraid it will never stop.
So what all of this means is that my kids see me cry. They see me get so easily upset and for about 30 seconds they are sympathetic. Then, they continue the very behavior that brought me to tears in the first place. They are not in a place to understand my frustration and some of them, I feel, really take advantage of it. My colleagues see me cry as well, which is the most embarrassing part of all. Most days I openly say how badly I do not want to do this anymore and then I get more support that I could ever ask for, and things don't seem so bad. Yesterday, my staff developer/school mom said to me, "Audrey, you are not a quitter, so don't even talk like that. You will let us help you and you will love this job."
She's right. I am not a quitter. I will let them help me and I know I will love this job. To say it is hard is the understatement of the century. This job is just plain ridiculous in every way and I spend a good 30 minutes each morning contemplating what the hell would make anyone decide to be a teacher. But then you have days like today.
Today, my aid was sick, but luckily another teacher's aid was kind enough to come assist me, and it was great! She was wonderful with the kids and it was so exciting to see her interact with them in such a positive way. The kids loved her and I learned a lot just in the several hours I spent with her.
Although my class was a bit more rambunctious than usual, we had some really great moments. During our reading workshop, every student was working so diligently to find characters in their stories, which was our objective for the day. During centers, I heard students asking one another for toys, instead of just snatching them. During our afternoon meeting, I heard three students say how nice it was to play with C, who is one of my most challenging students.
And then there was our first ever Cooking Friday. I've decided that every Friday we will cook something as a class. Cooking is one of my passions and I have such fond memories of cooking with my parents and teachers as a child; I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. So, today we made mud pies with pudding and oreos. It was awesome. The kids LOVED cooking together and we had a blast making a mess and pretending it was real mud. Then there was this gem: while whisking the pudding, B says to me, "Hey Ms. Talab, your boobies went up and down like this." Then he proceeds to make a hand motion very similar to that of Mrs. Ellington's "checks and balances" movement, where he swung his hands back and forth in front of his chest. I about lost it!
Also, while we were waiting for the pudding to set, they somehow convinced me to to a cartwheel in the classroom. Out of nowhere, I don't even remember who said it, one of them shouted, "Hey, Ms. Talab, do a cartwheel!" And soon enough, after some cheering from 21 very excited four year olds, I found myself doing a cartwheel in the middle of my classroom, praying not to break anything on my self or on my desk. They freaked out. I'm thinking of using it as a positive incentive. Sit criss cross apple sauce and Ms. Talab will do a cartwheel!
Like I've said before, at the end of the day, it's moments like making mud and doing gymnastic moves that make all the ridiculousness totally worth it.
Love,
AJ
Friday, September 30, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I have no idea what I'm doing...
This is probably the most common phrase out of my mouth and it is so true. I do possess some innate qualities that make me perfect for teaching four year olds. I love to sing and dance. I can act silly. I'm fairly organized. I like using puppets and other silly antics to get their attention.
However, I also do not possess some of the most crucial qualities that would make me excel at this job. I am not nearly as patient as I thought I was. I don't have a very calming voice. I have absolutely no background in or understanding of child development. I yell more than I would like. I am easily overwhelmed and even more easily flustered. At the end of the day, I simply have no idea what I'm doing.
The field of early childhood is a complex one. There are hundreds of theories on how our brains develop, the best ways to learn to read, the most appropriate discipline programs. The list goes on and on and I have no idea where to start. What is developmentally appropriate? Should my students be reading by the time they leave my class? TFA says yes. Just about everyone else says it's not necessary. Should my students be learning numerals? TFA says yes, but all my research says children should spend more time exploring mathematical concepts, rather than just counting. I am caught in the middle of my wonderful school with it's many experienced early childhood educators and TFA, who has placed corps members in early childhood classrooms for only several years now.
I'm not really sure what a pre-k classroom is supposed to look like, but I don't think TFA does either. So my students can tell you what our "big goals" are. Does that mean they're learning or does that just make them little parrots of Ms. Talab? So my students can count to 15. Does this mean they have number sense or are they simply repeating what we have done a thousand times? I am in constant fear of having "activity based" lessons, which is very against the TFA format of teaching. But, I wonder, isn't doing activities what pre-k is all about? Isn't pre-k about exploring and wondering and being curious?
I don't want to get so caught up in this culture of achievement that my students and I fail to have fun. I don't want to push them so hard to meet every objective that we fail to explore the world around us. My students and I are on this steep learning curve together and I don't want it to just be about numbers and percentages. I want it to be about discovering. I want it to be about making friends and understanding our emotions. I want it to be about loving one another and loving reading and loving school.
Like I said before, I really have no idea what I'm doing. I could be totally wrong. But something in my classroom is just off. I can't put my finger on it yet, but this week, our focus will be having fun and if that means activity based planning, then so be it. They're four. They want to have fun and dammit, so do I!
We can start mastering objectives next week...when I know what I'm doing. :)
Love,
AJ
However, I also do not possess some of the most crucial qualities that would make me excel at this job. I am not nearly as patient as I thought I was. I don't have a very calming voice. I have absolutely no background in or understanding of child development. I yell more than I would like. I am easily overwhelmed and even more easily flustered. At the end of the day, I simply have no idea what I'm doing.
The field of early childhood is a complex one. There are hundreds of theories on how our brains develop, the best ways to learn to read, the most appropriate discipline programs. The list goes on and on and I have no idea where to start. What is developmentally appropriate? Should my students be reading by the time they leave my class? TFA says yes. Just about everyone else says it's not necessary. Should my students be learning numerals? TFA says yes, but all my research says children should spend more time exploring mathematical concepts, rather than just counting. I am caught in the middle of my wonderful school with it's many experienced early childhood educators and TFA, who has placed corps members in early childhood classrooms for only several years now.
I'm not really sure what a pre-k classroom is supposed to look like, but I don't think TFA does either. So my students can tell you what our "big goals" are. Does that mean they're learning or does that just make them little parrots of Ms. Talab? So my students can count to 15. Does this mean they have number sense or are they simply repeating what we have done a thousand times? I am in constant fear of having "activity based" lessons, which is very against the TFA format of teaching. But, I wonder, isn't doing activities what pre-k is all about? Isn't pre-k about exploring and wondering and being curious?
I don't want to get so caught up in this culture of achievement that my students and I fail to have fun. I don't want to push them so hard to meet every objective that we fail to explore the world around us. My students and I are on this steep learning curve together and I don't want it to just be about numbers and percentages. I want it to be about discovering. I want it to be about making friends and understanding our emotions. I want it to be about loving one another and loving reading and loving school.
Like I said before, I really have no idea what I'm doing. I could be totally wrong. But something in my classroom is just off. I can't put my finger on it yet, but this week, our focus will be having fun and if that means activity based planning, then so be it. They're four. They want to have fun and dammit, so do I!
We can start mastering objectives next week...when I know what I'm doing. :)
Love,
AJ
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Also, some pictures
Using our cookbooks to write a menu for the day. Such smarties :)
Playing with everyone's favorite- the dinosaur blocks. Why are little kids so obsessed with dinosaurs?
Finishing this puzzle for the first time. They all worked so well together and were so stoked when they did it. You would have thought they just climbed Mt. Everest.
Kids chillin the the classroom during table time.Teaching is a crazy, crazy job. But at the end of the day, my kids are wonderful, smart, beautiful little people and I absolutely adore them. :)
Stinky noodles
So, last Monday, we started our unit on the five senses and focused on our sense of touch first. I put cooked spaghetti noodles in the sensory table after getting the idea off of a teaching forum. So I spent all Sunday cooking pots and pots of spaghetti noodles and on Monday, the kids went crazy! They loved playing with the noodles and filling buckets with them and seeing how many they could fit in their hands, etc. Now, the website said that you could leave the noodles in the table for up to three days, so I left it overnight, thinking it would be good to go on Tuesday morning.
Tuesday morning, I walk into my room and notice something smells just terrible. I had accidentally left my lunch box at school, so I thought that was the problem. I cleaned out my lunch box and borrowed some air freshener from the custodian and thought the problem solved.
Then, centers time came. I asked my aid to take the top off the sensory table, like I always do. Oh. My. God. The most awful smell in the entire world penetrated the entire room (and the entire hallway, I found out later). The noodles were rotten and disgusting, and of course my kids freaked out! So I had to spend the entire centers time cleaning up the mess with the help of our wonderful, patient custodian. The kids kept running up to the table, screaming, "Teacher, it smells so bad over here!" So, I told them to go stand by the door, or go to a different center. And slowly, they would creep their way back over to continue their investigation only to discover that it still smelled like shit.
My favorite quote from the day was when one student tapped me on the leg while I wiping down the table and said, "Teacher, it smells like someone pooped. Was that you? Because you look too big to poop your pants." Oh, four year olds...
It's proven to be pretty useful in this week's topic, smelling, though. Every day when I ask about something that smells bad, they scream, "NOODLES!" We'll probably be talking about the smelly noodles all year. Which is probably good because on days when I feel like it can't possibly get any worse, I'll be glad that at least my room doesn't smell like rotting fish covered in feces.
Love,
AJ
Tuesday morning, I walk into my room and notice something smells just terrible. I had accidentally left my lunch box at school, so I thought that was the problem. I cleaned out my lunch box and borrowed some air freshener from the custodian and thought the problem solved.
Then, centers time came. I asked my aid to take the top off the sensory table, like I always do. Oh. My. God. The most awful smell in the entire world penetrated the entire room (and the entire hallway, I found out later). The noodles were rotten and disgusting, and of course my kids freaked out! So I had to spend the entire centers time cleaning up the mess with the help of our wonderful, patient custodian. The kids kept running up to the table, screaming, "Teacher, it smells so bad over here!" So, I told them to go stand by the door, or go to a different center. And slowly, they would creep their way back over to continue their investigation only to discover that it still smelled like shit.
My favorite quote from the day was when one student tapped me on the leg while I wiping down the table and said, "Teacher, it smells like someone pooped. Was that you? Because you look too big to poop your pants." Oh, four year olds...
It's proven to be pretty useful in this week's topic, smelling, though. Every day when I ask about something that smells bad, they scream, "NOODLES!" We'll probably be talking about the smelly noodles all year. Which is probably good because on days when I feel like it can't possibly get any worse, I'll be glad that at least my room doesn't smell like rotting fish covered in feces.
Love,
AJ
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Chili, Birthday, iPad and small successes
This week was a trip. Four new students and a completely different schedule really threw us for a loop, but my kids adjusted well and yesterday was such a wonderful day. Best day of teaching thus far and a great way to kick off my birthday weekend. Hopefully days like yesterday will become more and more frequent.
I have one student who cries all day long. Not just quietly whimpering in the corner. We're talking full on hysterical bawling in the middle of circle time. He cries so much he throws up. The first 6 days of school, he barfed daily. The vomiting has stopped, the crying had not. Until yesterday. I don't know what it was that made him immediately stop crying after morning circle time. Maybe it was because I let him sit right by me, or maybe it was because another student gave him a hug, but whatever it was, G was happy all day long. So happy that I actually had to sit him out from recess with the rest of the boys for 2 minutes for being so rowdy in the hallway. I mean, I hate sitting kiddos out from recess, but thank goodness he was acting like a regular 4 year old. It was a very, very exciting day for him. Later, he drew me a picture, presented it to me, then said, "Wait! I need to add something!" He then went back to his seat and drew the letters T and H (our letters from last week and this week) all over the page. I had never seen him smile so big. I was almost in tears, it was so wonderful. He is an adorable little boy and after yesterday, I am so excited to see the things we can accomplish together this year.
Yesterday was also great because I had a master teacher come into my room and tell me I was doing everything I should be doing. She said it was obvious my kids loved me and that I loved them. She said I had great games and learning opportunities planned for them. She was excited that mt kids are writing and starting to say sorry, please and thank you without a prompt from me. She said she was proud of me, and that was exactly what I needed to hear. I am so lucky that my school is so incredibly supportive of me and the other first year teachers. I have a new family at Skelly Primary and for that I could not be more grateful.
I told my kids that my birthday is on Monday. I told them that if they are good, we will have a party, but we're probably going to party it up regardless. We're going to have cupcakes and each kid will get a toy and a book to take home. I'm going to wear a boa and princess crown and really make a huge deal about it. So, yesterday, M, one of my new students who is just the sweetest little girl in the world, (I could have an entire post on all the adorable things she says) says to me, "Ms. Talab, I'm going to tell my mommy to buy you a present for your birthday!" My heart totally melted.
Today, I am so excited to celebrate my birthday and these small successes with some new friends. I am so totally blessed to have such wonderful people in my life right now and we are all very excited to experience Oklahoma in a new way at the 32nd annual Bluegrass and Chili Festival. Should make for an interesting evening.
Lastly, the day has come. Tomorrow, I get my very ow iPad tomorrow- fo free! I can't wait to start developing assessments, tracking growth, writing anecdotal notes and downloading totally awesome games for my kids to play during teacher-led centers. Thanks Apple for a bad ass birthday present!
Love,
AJ
I have one student who cries all day long. Not just quietly whimpering in the corner. We're talking full on hysterical bawling in the middle of circle time. He cries so much he throws up. The first 6 days of school, he barfed daily. The vomiting has stopped, the crying had not. Until yesterday. I don't know what it was that made him immediately stop crying after morning circle time. Maybe it was because I let him sit right by me, or maybe it was because another student gave him a hug, but whatever it was, G was happy all day long. So happy that I actually had to sit him out from recess with the rest of the boys for 2 minutes for being so rowdy in the hallway. I mean, I hate sitting kiddos out from recess, but thank goodness he was acting like a regular 4 year old. It was a very, very exciting day for him. Later, he drew me a picture, presented it to me, then said, "Wait! I need to add something!" He then went back to his seat and drew the letters T and H (our letters from last week and this week) all over the page. I had never seen him smile so big. I was almost in tears, it was so wonderful. He is an adorable little boy and after yesterday, I am so excited to see the things we can accomplish together this year.
Yesterday was also great because I had a master teacher come into my room and tell me I was doing everything I should be doing. She said it was obvious my kids loved me and that I loved them. She said I had great games and learning opportunities planned for them. She was excited that mt kids are writing and starting to say sorry, please and thank you without a prompt from me. She said she was proud of me, and that was exactly what I needed to hear. I am so lucky that my school is so incredibly supportive of me and the other first year teachers. I have a new family at Skelly Primary and for that I could not be more grateful.
I told my kids that my birthday is on Monday. I told them that if they are good, we will have a party, but we're probably going to party it up regardless. We're going to have cupcakes and each kid will get a toy and a book to take home. I'm going to wear a boa and princess crown and really make a huge deal about it. So, yesterday, M, one of my new students who is just the sweetest little girl in the world, (I could have an entire post on all the adorable things she says) says to me, "Ms. Talab, I'm going to tell my mommy to buy you a present for your birthday!" My heart totally melted.
Today, I am so excited to celebrate my birthday and these small successes with some new friends. I am so totally blessed to have such wonderful people in my life right now and we are all very excited to experience Oklahoma in a new way at the 32nd annual Bluegrass and Chili Festival. Should make for an interesting evening.
Lastly, the day has come. Tomorrow, I get my very ow iPad tomorrow- fo free! I can't wait to start developing assessments, tracking growth, writing anecdotal notes and downloading totally awesome games for my kids to play during teacher-led centers. Thanks Apple for a bad ass birthday present!
Love,
AJ
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Kids say the darndest things
This week was still a hot freaking mess, but less messier than last week in a lot of ways. And, my kids are starting to say some pretty hilarious things...
A: Do you know how old my mom is?
Me:No, how old?
A: Oh, I don't know. Um, probably like 5. Because I'm 4, but she's older than me.
Me: So did you have a good day today I?
I: yeah! Today was my favorite day ever!
Me: That's great! Tell me something you learned today?
I: I learned about Jesus.
Me: Guess what tomorrow is S? (Correct answer: Friday)
S: My birthday!
Me: Really? Your birthday is tomorrow? We have to celebrate!
S: Yeah, my birthday is November 17. Tomorrow!
Me: Okay class, what song should we sing?
A: Jesus Loves Me!
Me: Oh, that's a song you can sing at church. At school, we sing songs about letters and numbers, so let's just sing the ABCs.
A: You mean, you don't like Jesus? I'm gonna tell the principal that yall don't like Jesus!
(At community circle today the question was "how do you take care of yourself." Answers like brushing teeth, eating well, etc. would have sufficed. Most common answer was by eating pizza, but this was the most amusing)
Me: So B how do you take care of your self?
B: (mumbles a 4 minute long story, most of which I don't hear. Sounds like he's talking about when his mom gives him a bath and puts on special lotion)
Me: Oh, B says his mom helps him take a bath so he can be nice and clean!
B: Noooo! I said, I wear bullets on my shoulders and I use them to kill all the bad guys!
If only all 6 hours with them were this amusing.... Next week will be even better and the week after that even better. Mostly because I'll have an iPad by then :)
Love,
AJ
A: Do you know how old my mom is?
Me:No, how old?
A: Oh, I don't know. Um, probably like 5. Because I'm 4, but she's older than me.
Me: So did you have a good day today I?
I: yeah! Today was my favorite day ever!
Me: That's great! Tell me something you learned today?
I: I learned about Jesus.
Me: Guess what tomorrow is S? (Correct answer: Friday)
S: My birthday!
Me: Really? Your birthday is tomorrow? We have to celebrate!
S: Yeah, my birthday is November 17. Tomorrow!
Me: Okay class, what song should we sing?
A: Jesus Loves Me!
Me: Oh, that's a song you can sing at church. At school, we sing songs about letters and numbers, so let's just sing the ABCs.
A: You mean, you don't like Jesus? I'm gonna tell the principal that yall don't like Jesus!
(At community circle today the question was "how do you take care of yourself." Answers like brushing teeth, eating well, etc. would have sufficed. Most common answer was by eating pizza, but this was the most amusing)
Me: So B how do you take care of your self?
B: (mumbles a 4 minute long story, most of which I don't hear. Sounds like he's talking about when his mom gives him a bath and puts on special lotion)
Me: Oh, B says his mom helps him take a bath so he can be nice and clean!
B: Noooo! I said, I wear bullets on my shoulders and I use them to kill all the bad guys!
If only all 6 hours with them were this amusing.... Next week will be even better and the week after that even better. Mostly because I'll have an iPad by then :)
Love,
AJ
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