Don't be fooled...

Teaching is hard. Really f-ing hard. Harder than anything I have ever done and will probably ever do.

I've been at it for 3 days and every day I whine a little bit more. My kids are crazy, but they are four. They cry. Scream. Whine. Tattle. Fall on the floor in the middle of the lunch line and pout. They tell me they hate me. Worse, they tell me they hate books. I am drowning in chaos and am more physically and emotionally exhausted than I have ever been. I spend a good chunk of my time die-cutting and laminating, instead of learning content. I only have seven students out of 20 who understand English. I have very little money, energy, confidence and hope at the moment-all crucial pieces to this puzzle that is teaching.

All in all, life went from being stressful, but incredible to unbearably difficult in a matter of hours and I am struggling to find the time to simply breath, eat, go to the bathroom and do other normal human things. I struggle to remember why I decided this would be my life and I long for my old life in a way I never thought possible. I miss my friends, family and most of all, my partner. I miss my sisters. I miss San Marcos. I miss all things that do not involve diagnostics, laminating film, glue sticks, nursery rhymes, calendar math and memos, because, at the moment, it seems as though nothing else exists.

Life is hard right now, but the lives of my students will be harder if I don't get it together. I take full responsibility for the chaos in my classroom and I, somewhat unwillingly, accept the challenge of creating peace. It has to get better, or else it will get violent and I refuse to allow that in my classroom. This week, we begin the rigorous content and a new behavior management plan, complete with appropriate, conscious consequences and what I hope will be inspiring positive rewards. Procedures have been polished, photos have been laminated, parents have been phoned. I have approximately 170 days to make a difference in the lives of 20 little ones and it has to start tomorrow.

This week's letter- T. For Talab, tattle, turtle and....Teacher.




P.S.
Apple is giving TFA corps members a free iPad. Maybe carrying a screaming four-year-old down the hallway while your principal walks by isn't so bad after all...