This is probably the most common phrase out of my mouth and it is so true. I do possess some innate qualities that make me perfect for teaching four year olds. I love to sing and dance. I can act silly. I'm fairly organized. I like using puppets and other silly antics to get their attention.
However, I also do not possess some of the most crucial qualities that would make me excel at this job. I am not nearly as patient as I thought I was. I don't have a very calming voice. I have absolutely no background in or understanding of child development. I yell more than I would like. I am easily overwhelmed and even more easily flustered. At the end of the day, I simply have no idea what I'm doing.
The field of early childhood is a complex one. There are hundreds of theories on how our brains develop, the best ways to learn to read, the most appropriate discipline programs. The list goes on and on and I have no idea where to start. What is developmentally appropriate? Should my students be reading by the time they leave my class? TFA says yes. Just about everyone else says it's not necessary. Should my students be learning numerals? TFA says yes, but all my research says children should spend more time exploring mathematical concepts, rather than just counting. I am caught in the middle of my wonderful school with it's many experienced early childhood educators and TFA, who has placed corps members in early childhood classrooms for only several years now.
I'm not really sure what a pre-k classroom is supposed to look like, but I don't think TFA does either. So my students can tell you what our "big goals" are. Does that mean they're learning or does that just make them little parrots of Ms. Talab? So my students can count to 15. Does this mean they have number sense or are they simply repeating what we have done a thousand times? I am in constant fear of having "activity based" lessons, which is very against the TFA format of teaching. But, I wonder, isn't doing activities what pre-k is all about? Isn't pre-k about exploring and wondering and being curious?
I don't want to get so caught up in this culture of achievement that my students and I fail to have fun. I don't want to push them so hard to meet every objective that we fail to explore the world around us. My students and I are on this steep learning curve together and I don't want it to just be about numbers and percentages. I want it to be about discovering. I want it to be about making friends and understanding our emotions. I want it to be about loving one another and loving reading and loving school.
Like I said before, I really have no idea what I'm doing. I could be totally wrong. But something in my classroom is just off. I can't put my finger on it yet, but this week, our focus will be having fun and if that means activity based planning, then so be it. They're four. They want to have fun and dammit, so do I!
We can start mastering objectives next week...when I know what I'm doing. :)
Love,
AJ
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